Monday, 15 September 2014

An unstickingly and unstuck 20 minutes

Today I start an online writing challenge. Hmm, infact today I start TWO online writing challenges! One just isn't enough for me it seems (Sigh!). I've taken up a blogging community's challenge of writing every day and another of working on my blog every day. I am set tasks daily and by the end of the month I hope to look back and think 'hooray' as I revel in my achievements! 

Well, that's the hope anyway as I am getting more and more frustrated with myself for my lack of writing. I love to write. It's one of my very favourite things to do. When I'm doing it often it flows, I flow. I get in a positive roll of finding words easily and not caring about the outcome and the thread, they always come. My brain starts to remember words long buried, and I find myself speaking and articulating easier on a daily basis. I feel much more myself when I write.         

But I get stuck soooo easily! Writing is in my head every single day. I have ideas constantly. I start to write little paragraphs and I thread some together and then I find other ideas coming to me. I make promises to myself that I'll get home and write it down (usually it happens when I'm doing something!), or I'll buy myself a notebook and I'll start jotting things down a few minutes at a time (a paragraph takes only a couple of minutes to write when it's flowing). 

But, I like to use a keyboard and feel the keys tapping under my fingers and listen to the rhythm they make. So I tell myself that writing in a notebook just isn't the same. Also, I know that I want things to be read. Gone are the days of self journalling, pouring my heart out to a piece of paper, hoping that no one would EVER read it! These days my ideas feel credible and worthy and there is a real sense that I want them to be read. Indeed there is a need in me for them to be read. I have a sense that someone will enjoy the words and their intention. I genuinely believe that my writing can inspire people. 

And there's the sticking point!! Cue the other side of my brain expleting (is that a word!) randomly at me:
'my god, its all you you you!', 'who would want to read what you write?', 'whatever you write has got to have an overall theme or point to it', 'what's it going to be; a book? a blog? a diary?', 'people will think you are nuts', 'you only know how too write personally, no no no no no you are NOT going to let people read that!', 'do you really want people to know what goes on inside your brain?'........ blah blah blah blah blah.... You get the picture! Now, seeing it in black and white, so do I! 

Have you ever been asked that question: 'What would you do if failure was no option?'
Easy... Every time I say 'I'd write'. 
So, how about I made it just about writing, just about doing what I love, just about finding flow! 

Today's writing task was to write a stream of consciousness for 20 minutes, and voila, tis almost complete. The 'twist' which they also include daily for added interest (challenge?), is to then publish that stream of consciousness! Eeek? Well, anyone who knows me knows that I like a challenge! Sometimes I like challenge TOO much and will grab hold of one just for the sheer hell of it, rather than the actual benefit of it! But do you know, given what I've just written above, then lets get over this fear of what others think, who will read, what's it for, will it damage my credibility / reputation in anyway, blah blah blah....! Hit the publish button Caroline..... Do it.... Do it now..... ok, ok, I hear you.....! 

I guess if you're reading this then you will know that I not only completed the task, I also took on the twist, and hit the publish button.